I feel great
I just peed on a car
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
