Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
