time to smoke my breakfast
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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