i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
They are going to name an STD after you.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
