the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
