This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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