I showed him my bush... on skype.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
