I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
