I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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