you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
