just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
