I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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