Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
