Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
