Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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