Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
