You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
