just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
