Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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