I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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