College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
