HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
