Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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