This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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