Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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