Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
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Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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