Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
