thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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