: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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