I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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