Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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