i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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