with your own penis?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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