Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
