"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
