so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
