he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
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Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants