He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
