Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
