He had one of those small greek statue penises
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
