The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
