dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
