FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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