you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
