Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is Oprah even human
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
