i need an iv and a liver transplant
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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