Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
