You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
