Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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