yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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