nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
