so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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