you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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