Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
