I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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