Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
