well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
