Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
