I think I won the penis lottery.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
