Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I still have a little drunk in my system
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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