There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
