I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
