I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
