I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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