My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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