I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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