remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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