He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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