I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
