I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
That accounts for only three of the penises
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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