I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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