So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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