I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
